The Holiday Season has really distracted me this year!
I’ve been meaning to sit and write for a few days now, but other work, holiday preparations and the weekend have prevented me from getting online here. Recently, I made the resolute decision not to work in the office or on the computer during the weekends. Unless of course, I have a deadline or an event. I’ve been trying to find ways to get out more! For a long time, people would ask what I liked to do for fun, and my response was always the same: “I work a lot, but I used to love . . . ”
It seems to be working out. Although, I do find that I have more to pack in during the week. I need better organization in my life anyway. I’ve been mentioning that for a long time now, haven’t I 
Thursday morning Grant and I had to get up very early to get to Los Angeles and a business meetings we had there. We’ve been in serious talks with gay Networks, Mainstream Distribution companies, producers and directors trying to determine the next move for the Brent Corrigan brand. It has been a challenge sorting out what is best because it is clear we can’t do it all! Not just because there simply isn’t time to get it all done; but more likely because many of these companies and people are wanting exclusive rights and contracts with us.
Everything looks very exciting and quite possible! Each party and company has expressed serious interest and each one seems to understand the value in doing a collaborative project. As things shape up, I will surely be here to let you know the special developments. However, please be patient because divulging sensitive, ‘inside information’ could prove detrimental to the overall agenda Certainly rest assured knowing the second something is inked, you will be the first to know! After all, isn’t that just one of the perks to staying intune to my little blog here?
I may be looking at my own online television show. I could be filming my own reality series within the next 6 months. I might find my adult production series getting a much needed boost. And who knows, maybe I’ll start my own game show. I even foresee a host/emcee job in there somewhere. No? Video Advice Blog?
Thursday night I agreed to appear for Jason Sechrest at Temptation. It’s a party thrown by Paul Nichols at Apple in HelL-A. I guess the concept is mingling in a casual setting with porn stars and celebrities. My back has been obscenely out of place lately, probably due to a crazy schedule and my attempt to make visible gains in the gym. I guess it all sort of compacted right between my shoulder blades. My body was screaming at me to take it easy, so I did. I didn’t think the patrons of the club really seemed to mind much that I wasn’t hot on dancing.
Paul Nichols made an interesting observation that I agreed with. Upon leaving the venue Thursday night, I made a note to him that not that many people really seemed that enthused or interested in my appearing at the event. I don’t expect people to flock toward me and fall into my arms at the mere thought that I’m there in the flesh, but I had hoped that at least a few people might want a free DVD (I had many with me to give away!). Maybe 5 people approached me that night to say hello.
Paul said that in Los Angeles, the mass population seems to be rather desensitized to seeing celebrities and porn stars out among them. He told me that he gets a similar, luke warm reaction from the club goers even when he deals with some A-listers.
You know, though . . . I am far better received in Los Angeles than I am here in San Diego. I’ve done events few and far between here in town, but when I do it’s almost like people avoid me altogether! I know for sure that most young men my age don’t really like me here in town. I’ve even written whole posts on this sort of topic. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but it’s probably for the best. Sometimes a boy like me needs to be ignored, reviled even, in his home town to feel on the more normal side. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I lived like, in say . . . New York City! When I was in New York, I couldn’t even take a second to eat a lunch, let alone live my life!
I took this last weekend off. Went to The Birch Aquarium with my boyfriend and somehow completely missed the shark exhibit. What? We failed to look at the map before we decided we had seen everything!
Saturday night I went out with my boyfriend to a house party and then one of the local clubs. I was extremely uncomfortable at the house party. I really just don’t know what it is any more. I’m beginning to feel a little soured on the local scene here. I’ve been through some dramatic experiences here lately, having to deal with shit talkers and meddlers and their attempts to foil my happy relationship. People who have made it their agenda to make my life miserable, for whatever personal reason of their own. Now, when I go out, if ever - I wonder who will be the next to throw a steel rod on the tracks of this love train :-0
Dukie gives love indiscriminately.
There are many reasons for why I feel so uncomfortable around people in San Diego. I feel a little silly disclosing them on here. I was practically berated the other night by several people; Rocket, Grant, Dink . . . when I told them of a story about a barback who threatened to smear my name when and if my relationship with my boyfriend ended. I told everyone that, though typically I didn’t give a shit what people say about me, I wasn’t going to necessarily let someone take direct action against me if I have knowledge of it. Everyone kept screaming “But why do you care!? None of those people are people of substance and what they think of you does not matter!” Why should any one tolerate lies, manipulation and misinformation in ANY circle, even if it is JUST the bar scene?
When I broke up with Jake, from my CV days back when I was 18 - he dragged my name through the mud. He spend countless hours sitting online vetting lies and spreading rumors about me so I could not make friends and meet people without swimming against a nasty current. He even went to great lengths to throw parties in San Diego when he lived in LA - just so that he could hurt me at home where I lived. He would tell ANYONE who would listen to his lies about me. And I felt the effects of his effort for years to come.
He put up the MySpace profile that detailed truths and lies about my underage work, complete with graphic pictures and screen captures from my underage work. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Though news and truth about my real age had been circulating in Southern California for a few short years; both online and off, Bryan and I had for the most part successfully kept it a secret.
Chris, or Jake, and his friends put that ball in motion. While, yes - I needed to come to grips with reality and do the right thing by telling the truth; these people did not allow me the luxury of making the decision as to when that might best take place.
So you see, allowing people to lie or even spread information about you, when you are a more public figure, can prove to be more of a problem than the average person may understand.
One of the reasons I have this blog is to give people who truly care about me, what I stand for, and the truth about me, a place to get it right from the boy in question himself!
And so, tonight I wonder . . . Can I truly handle more of all this? Do I really want more stardom? Do I really need to expose myself further to a world that consistently proves itself to be acidic, heartless, toxic and unfair? Taking on a reality series, an advice video blog, or even a game show can and will put me out there to endure further criticism; make me even more of a target.
Yet, alas! I return to my age old feeling and notion to just . . . FUCK THE WORLD. Fuck ‘em! I made the decision very long ago when I started this blog. What was that decision?
To be real. To be myself! Because I knew that I could only carry on an act so long before it began to wear thin; thus people seeing me for what I really am. I figured, “Hey, if they don’t like me the way I come, then I don’t belong here”. Being true to myself - being myself - was what so many of you came to love about me. True, a few of you struggled to believe I was what was perceived, but so many of you came around
What’s more? Originally I thumbed it in the nose of every nay-sayer and said, “I’M NOT LISTENING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING ENRICHING TO CONTRIBUTE”.
And why start listening now? Surely not because the stakes are higher? Certainly NOT. Because baby, this is when it starts to get interesting. And I’m not letting some barback at the local club, ex-boyfriend or even a whole town (San Diego), hold me back just because they don’t have the wherewithal to pull it off themselves!
You and I both know that there is more to this world than the toxic bar scene. A world where people listen to each other, help each other and love each other. A world where we teach each other. I want to be a part of that; more than I have ever before. Not only do I want to entertain you, but I want to teach you young ones out there how to navigate this seemingly nasty world. I even learned many valuable lessons here from all of you.
Happy Holidays everyone! Cheers to a new year, because this NEXT one looks even sweeter than the last
Your Friend and Lover,
Brent Corrigan
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